It Wasn't Exactly Louis Vs. Schmeling, Kiddies: The Way It Was, 14 March

1937: THE BATTLE OF THE [20th] CENTURY?

It's a purported climax to old-time radio's most successful and famous verbal running gag*, launched inadvertently when one of the combatants wisecracked about the other after an eight-year-old violin prodigy performed a breathless interpretation of "The Bee."

Tonight, the Grand Ballroom of New York's Hotel Pierre hosts the climactic rumble, allegedly, on The Jell-O Program Starring Jack Benny. (NBC.)

Climax, schmimax.

The famous feud will continue on and off for another decade at minimum, and sometimes beyond. Never mind that the two master comedians were actually good friends in real life; and, that a) writers from each man's staff consulted on each installment of the feud; or, b) when either guested on the other's show the guest combatant often as not got the better laugh lines, right up to the end . . .

(In fairness: Fred Allen will have a kind of advantage in due course---when his show joins Jack Benny's on the Sunday night lineup, Benny's show will precede Allen's show . . . and Allen or a staffer would be listening, allowing a fresh crack or two's insertion into the script about to be performed on the air, either pre-written or by way of one of Allen's deadly ad-libs.)

Of course, one man's end may be another man's beginning, as Fred Allen will prove on the premiere edition of The Big Show, (also NBC), when he reworks a sketch from one of his earlier classic editions, a Benny parody he called "The Pinch Penny Program."

The sidebar to the Allen-Benny feud: The child prodigy who launched the whole thing in the first place, Stuart Canin (when he played on Fred Allen's Town Hall Tonight, Allen couldn't resist a wisenheimer remark about a certain violin player who ought to have been ashamed of himself), received an unexpected gift: Both Allen and Jack Benny will pony up the starting financing for his eventual musical education.

The long-term picture: New York-born Stuart Canin will study at Juilliard School of Music, win the International Paganini Competition and the Handel Medal, and become a respected violin virtuoso and, in due course, concertmaster for the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra and Hollywood studio orchestras (his performances in film music will include Forrest Gump and Schindler's List), while also founding the New Century Chamber Orchestra in 1992 and serving as its first music director until 1999.

Meanwhile, otherwise on tonight's show, Jack and Mary (Livingstone) get a wire from Kenny Baker advising how much Hollywood's changed---then realise he didn't send it from Hollywood; Jack learns at least one secret of how tough men make a sweet-swinging orchestra; Jack and Mary ponder their income tax filings; an elder singer seeks an audition; and, Mary and Jack sing instead. (Guess which one's merely passably amatuerish.) Then comes an, ahem, interruption to Jack's singing turn . . . and, in due course, a duet even more off key than Mary and Jack's, but you'll have to listen for yourself.

Additional cast: Don Wilson. Music: Abe Lyman and His Orchestra.

* - By far, the most successful and famous aural running gag in classic radio history has to be Fibber McGee's infamous clattering closet . . . with, perhaps, Jack Benny's subterranean vault alarm a close enough second.

CHANNEL SURFING . . .

1946: NO MORE ALICE---Troubled psychiatrist Warren Rice (Paul Henreid), already haunted by his failing marriage, lets an escaped bank robber/killer commandeer him while driving through the mountains . . . and hide in his own home, where the escapee can't understand Dr. Rice's interest in analysing him, on tonight's edition of Suspense. (CBS.) Additional cast: Writer: Martin Ryerson. Director: William Spear.

1951: INCOME TAX---Alas, 'tis that time of year, and naturally Harold (Peary) doesn't want to be late even if he's doing it on the final day. Which is more than Doc Yak-Yak (Joseph Kearns) can say, on tonight's edition of The Harold Peary Show. (CBS.) Additional cast: Gloria Holiday (in real life, Mrs. Harold Peary), Parley Baer, Jane Morgan, Mary Jane Croft. Writers: Bill Danch, Jack Robinson, Gene Stone.

PREMIERING TODAY . . .

1912---Les Brown (bandleader: Fitch Bandwagon, The Bob Hope Show), Reinerton, Pennsylvania.
1918---Dennis Patrick (actor: Shakespeare Festival), Philadelphia.
1919---Harry Caray (as Harry Christopher Carabina; baseball play-by-play announcer: St. Louis Cardinals [1945-1969], Oakland Athletics [1970], Chicago White Sox [1971-1981], Chicago Cubs [1982-1997]), St. Louis.