All Checks, No Balances

Once upon a time (in 1940, to be precise) Gracie Allen ran for the presidency. "Gracie and I were at home in Beverly Hills with our children," recalled George Burns long after the fact, when half out of the blue his wife continued, 'I'm tired of knitting this sweater. I think I'll run for president this year'."

Ninety percent out of the blue and the other half out of her mind? Maybe. Maybe not. Though you ponder the possibilities if she'd picked Jane Ace as her running mate.

As I look...at all these trusting and loving faces . . . tears come into my eyes . . . and if you must know why . . . it's because my girdle is killing me.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

I stand before you tonight a simple, plain woman . . . which is not my fault, but the beautician can't take me till tomorrow.

Keep up your morning exercises, because every politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear to the ground.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

The brief but brilliant series of Burns and Allen Shows that carried the "Gracie for President" gag to its illogically logical conclusion remains engaging radio. But it's kind of a shame she didn't live to run for the Presidency in 2008. We still have a government with all checks and no balances. And, at least two thirds of the time, no sense of humour.